learn to love the rain

because the rain makes you grow 

i love it when the sun shines though=-D

butterflies are the best 

so masterfully designed 

a song for help in troubled waters, written one year ago today

April 19, 2014

You fill me with confidence.

You fill me with peace.

You wrap Your arms about me when every man in sight is gone,

When life is tormented and there is no song,

When the dance is a lie

And the move a desire;

When the world is a cold place devoid of fire;

When all is bleak and dim and sad

When I feel like one thing would make me glad;

And I stumble here

And I find there’s no one else

Only a bloody, running tear

Dropping down from the splintery cross;

I reach for You

But I find You gone

Away from the misery,

Yet in my midst still

As much as I promise,

As much as I will,

There is no victory for me alone.

I cannot win

At Your cross I bow

But I cannot stay there and weep;

Now the light is coming,

Oh Lord wake me up

Shake me

Break me

From the earthly sleep.

Take me, Lord,

Humble me low,

So I will drink the heavenly flow;

Lead me on, from this torturous symbol

The cross, and the pain, and the fears

That crumble.

Jesus,

Only

Jesus

True

Jesus, You love me

When lovers are few;

And the darkness is coming

And I feel the world groan

And I know, in an instant

I’ll be going on home.

Take me,

Transform me!

This body isn’t me;

I know I will find You in eternity…

And there, fully known,

I will recognize You

what a glorious view!

Finally,

No worry

So hold me, I  cry

Fill me with peace, in Your arms, while the song

of Your confident love

pours on and on…

forever and a day, forever and a thousand years!

You’ll be the One who dries my tears.

So when you feel the cold, when the fire dies

Bask in the Son

And let your spirit rise. 

Joy like Heaven

Sometimes, life is difficult. 
           Ok, most of the time. 
God never promised life would be easy, but He did promise that we would find joy in Him through every hardship, if we ask Him for the joy.
    My prayer for you today is that in the middle of the ugliness, the nastiness of this out-of-control world, that you would find a place of peace and rest.

Knowing Jesus is here, among us still in the form of the Holy Spirit, we can have sweet assurance. Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine--oh what a foretaste of glory divine. Those are not just words. This is a promise. 

We're truly fortunate. 

If we think of all that Jesus has done for us, and how we are actually 

created in His image, 

it opens our eyes to more than the surface pain and suffering. 

If, after the wars inside, we keep going back to that sweet place, 

we find solace. 

No matter what happens, Jesus is sovereign. 

His ultimate plan is no pain, no death, no despair. 

I expect we'll be a bit like this baby in heaven at first--

just peacefully resting in His amazing home for us. 

But then we'll wake up, start moving around...

....start realizing how fantastic everything is! We won't be able

to contain our joy! 

There will be gardens, more beautiful that these ones in Japan, 

the Kawchi-Fuji wisteria gardens. 

And mountain ranges....

...for those of us who like to run around exploring all day...

rivers and places where we can really have adventures...

maybe it'll be weird at first, 

jumping off cliffs without getting hurt at the bottom, 

just getting back up, or 

better yet, flying straight off into the sky...

because in heaven, there'll be no death...

we won't be able to die. 

I'm sure we'll be so delighted,

we'll just walk around laughing and saying hi to everyone

the first 1000 years. 

I'm sure we'll have jobs to do, places to go...and 

God to worship!

There won't be any more working for the sake of money,

position, 

prominence, 

fame. 

Everything we do will be done out of pure joy

love,

and worship. 

He decidido sequir a Cristo

He decidido sequir a Cristo

he decidido sequir a Cristo

No vuelva atras

no vuleva atras

I have decided to follow Jesus

I have decided to follow Jesus

I have decided to follow Jesus

No turning back

No turning back. 

So if you're having a bad day

or just a time of longing

for rest

for comfort

for a place to call home

Take heart, 

child of God.

Be still, and know,

that He is who He is. 

And He always will be. 

 >>Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.<<

luke 18:17

Let's be kids. 

Let's be free. 

Paradox of following Christ: 

the more we grow into Him, 

the more we start looking like a child. 

Closing our eyes,

taking a risk

being blessed 

by surprises 

closing our eyes

feeling the wind in our face

being content. 

child-like faith

This is a poem I wrote back in 2012. Much has changed since then, including my outlook on life, but this reflects the feelings I have sometimes in this generation, as a young adult. 

            The cobwebs bounce in the breeze,

            The breeze is still, because summer says “calm”—

            The cat is content,

            Or seems to be—

            The dogs are tired,

            They squint like me;

            The birds keep up,

            As if bound to sing

            To the joy-lit flowers,

            As an offering.

            But there’s more than that;

            Over, through, and in,

            Every wonder note

            Is a secret hid;

            There’s a grander force, and a grander hope,

            And the grass is growing,

            By a genius stroke;

            Herbs in upward thriving

            Seem a quiet proof

            Of the Spirit guiding,

            With the deeper truth,

            Can’t we all discover,

            Under neath the grass

            How the clay is rocky,

            How it’s our own fault;

            No amending is done,

            Yet approval must come

            Tiny race, so bold,

            Is the human—cold

            Seeps the expectation of our own rights,

            Causes, dreams, entitlements;

            While the daisies starve;

            Baby’s breath, once strong,

            Withers by the heat,

            Procured by our ovens,

            Our precious cement habitats—

            Yet below the soil,

            Where the earthworms struggle,

            All is hard as stone,

            When the top-coat’s gone;

            So the cobwebs bounce,

            Who sees them spin?

            We’re off playing games,

            Watching concerts begin;

            Marching up and down hallways,

            In stiff self-made suits

            Our plastic is melting

            While the sun burns our roots;

            Yet we’re still cold as rocks!

            “Never, ever regret”

            Is the mantra proclaimed,

            So we never repent. 

"For this people's heart has grown dull,

    and with their ears they can barely hear,

    and their eyes they have closed,

lest they should see with their eyes

    and hear with their ears

and understand with their heart

    and turn, and I would heal them."

Matt. 13:15

Back from COLOMBIA

Coming back from Colombia seemed like a dream.
During our bus-ride to the airport, I was  zonked from waking up at 4.00, having slept only two hours in the wee morning because I had been discussing wonderfully important things with friends....besides, I didn't want to sleep the last night I had in Formando Vidas. So there. On account of my dazed sleep-state, however, (pretty sure I was in the REM sleep stage, only AWAKE...if you could call what me awake at that point...) I just couldn't seem to cry. Those tears just wouldn't come, even as we were driven carefully through the city of Bogota to the airport. I saw some crazy joggers up and running, along with shady figures here and there and business-people, nibbling on either mango or bread, I speculated. Bread. I wouldn't miss that aspect of Colombia. In Cartagena, all the people seemed to eat was white bread, white cheese, and white frothy juice drinks (ok maybe I'm exaggerating...but maybe not!)
Nevertheless, leaving Colombia is leaving Colombia. Even Cartagena suddenly became a place worthy of being missed, as I walked in a stunned fashion through the airport, wearing my tourist pants and remembering all of the sweet, on-fire-for-Jesus people, young and old, that I met there in that sandy, dry city. As we boarded the plane, the rain began to fall. Overwhelming homesickness took me by surprise, and the song "This is Home" began playing in my mind. Of course I could only remember the chorus, but then I looked it up when I got back, and the whole song encapsulates the feeling I was having at the moment.

I've got my memories
They're always inside of me
But I can't go back
Back to how it was

I believe you now
I've come too far
No, I can't go back
Back to how it was

Created for a place
I've never known

This is home
Now I'm finally where I belong, where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found it, maybe, this is home
Yeah, this is home

Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back
Back to how it was

And I got my heart set on what happens next
I've got my eyes wide, it's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone

Yeah, this is home
Now I'm finally where I belong, where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found it, maybe, this is home
Yeah, this is home

And now after all my searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home

I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see the sunset
I'm gonna call it home

This is home
Now I'm finally where I belong, where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found it, maybe, this is home

    The tears didn't come till later. Much later. All I could do was wave and whisper good-byes while staring out my little airplane window (which reminded me of a little submarine port-hole) and gazing on the landscape: green green green all over, with bushy trees, sweeping mountain ranges, and the city perfectly grand and huge and bustling and hued in gray, brown, and black to off-set the beautiful scenery. 

So this is Bogota, the above pic from Monserrate, which is a famous mountain that devoted Catholics climb up to the top on their hands and knees to kiss the cathedral of the fallen Christ. We just went up for fun and were praising God for the absolutely drop-dead gorgeous scenery!!!!
But here are some pics of the other places, Leticia and Cartagena=-D

This is a typical Leticia port. Kinda miss it=-(

Ok so these pics are not my pics, nor were they taken by the team, I found them online, but they capture the essence of what I saw. Actually this pic is a very accurate sunset. Soooo stunningly beautiful. Because we had no technology there, we watched sunsets instead of watching movies, and we talked, read, or wrote instead of doing social media. It was the hardest, best week of my life. Oooh, or we'd go swimming in the pirahna-infested Amazon! That was the best, .diving off this little floating dock into the lovely brown water. Could do that all day with my little friends Estaban and John. They were awesome diving buddies=-) We'd say "Uno, Dos, Tres!" and then jump into the water! Haha, it was a blast.

Classic scene, especially with the dog in there itching himself...the dog population is out of control in Colombia, and the majority in places like Leticia are not cared for; they are full of ticks and fleas and who knows what, and I saw some going about with broken legs=-( If you're a vet with a mission, go to Colombia! Haha, not that I'm twisting your arm or anything...

Fruit! We looooove fruit in Colombia! You think you've tasted a mango, but wait till you taste a mango from the jungle of Zaragoza. Yum-yum. And there are so many unique jungle fruits that are marvelous. Interesting note: I hated guava, till I tasted one from the jungle. It was like tasting something an angel would make for breakfast. And the aroma was just soooo sweet. The fruit of our good works tastes that sweet to God! Puts a whole new spin on "bear fruit in accordance with repentance". We're not talking genetically engineered, contrived fruit here! We're talking authentic, wholesome, out-of-this-world delicious fruit!!! Also bananas are everywhere there, and plantains, which are fried up in oil; guanabana is a great big green fruit that is so hard to describe---and there are plenty more that I can't remember the names of at the moment. But the kids liked to show us the fruit and go up the fruit trees to knock some down for us--they were so sweet! I wish I could have spoken Spanish to them, but hey, this is incentive to learn!=-) I have so much to learn from the simplified, down-to-earth way of jungle living. Being content with yourself and your family. Big lesson to learn! 

  I like one of those pics above because it has a red cross symbol on it, which looks like the symbol for a lifeguard. Currently, I'm training to become a lifeguard for a summer camp beginning at the end of May. Pray for me as I embark on this journey, to help others and to follow Jesus wherever He leads in this life! 
Everywhere with Jesus is home to me. So I'm very excited, slightly nervous, and mostly thrilled about what lies ahead! 

>>Envia tu luz y tu verdad; estas me guiaran; me conduciran a tu santo monte, y a tus moradas. << 

Salmo 43: 3

"Oh, send out Your light and Your truth! Let them lead me; let them bring me to Your holy hill and to Your tabernacle." 

finding your destiny in the school of brokenness 

Our last key speaker here at DTS was Dave Gustavason, who spoke about spiritual authority. More importantly, he shared with us that our authority comes from the experiences we go through hand in hand with God, the breaking points in our lives that seem so hard at the time. Some people believe if you have enough faith, you won't suffer. Life without suffering is then upheld as some supreme idea of the  Christian walk. 

If you do suffer, it must be because something went wrong...you or someone else is at fault. There is of course some truth to this--ultimately, our suffering results from the sin our ancestors first committed. But when we start equating painlessness with the ultimate Christian life, there comes a huge clash, a war between our ideals and Christ's reality. 
Jesus did not say "Follow Me, the way is painless and perfect and you will be admired and esteemed by many on the journey." 

If that was what He came for, then everyone would follow Him. 
Instead, He came to fulfill His Father's plan, which involved a great deal of suffering for Him. Following Christ, more than a quest of our own perfection, is a manifestation of God's bigness and our smallness. We can only follow those who are revealed in  the flesh as leaders, but we do not follow with the attitude "I'm putting up with You leading because eventually we'll get to reign forever in heaven." The Good News is, we are NOT in control of our destiny. We can choose what attitude we take, however, whether one of humility and wonder, or one of entitlement and superiority. We did not choose Him, but He chose us---yes, even to suffer for His sake. God didn't choose us because He prefers us to others--He loves everyone equally. But He chose those He knew would respond to His love with love. 
If Jesus chooses someone, and they go through torture with Him, does that mean their Christian walk is any less perfect than the pastor in the pulpit who talks about God's mercy and grace every week? On the contrary, we look up to those who suffer for Christ's sake, because we know that person is even closer to their God through the suffering. 

It's gruesome. It's terrifying. 
Consider how much He gave. Consider how much He grieved. Consider this, that Jesus died, not of nails in His hands, or because of a cross made by human hands, but of a broken heart. 
Jesus' heart literally split open and then He breathed His last....this is why, when the soldier pierced His side, blood and water spilled out. That is why in the Garden of Gesthemane, He was literally sweating blood. Stress-induced cardiomyopathy, when the heart is so overwhelmed by emotional stress and fills up with water, was the cause of Jesus' death. Most people stayed on the cross 10 days--it should have taken a long time for a normal healthy man to die. Jesus died within three hours of being on the cross. Think of what that means. 
He broke His own heart over you. Over me. Over everybody that ever lived. 
And in this brokenness, in this final act of love, He found His destiny fulfilled. It wasn't until His heart broke that He was reunited with His Dad. He chose to come save us. God didn't force Him to go,  or manipulate Him. Jesus chose to be broken. 
And this is why, worshiping Him will never end! How can you simply send a thank you card to someone Who broke their heart over you? If authority is based on our experiences with God, then those who are breaking their hearts over homelessness, poverty, disease, and abuse, to the point of doing something about it, carry authority, while those who sit back and say "What a sad thing--oh what a sad thing--I think I'll go in my closet and pray now." If you believe, then you believe, but it is possible to live as a Christian yet never embrace the full authority Christ has given those who "participate in His sufferings." His heart broke for that homeless person...ours ought to ache for them too, even a little bit...even if you hurt just a little for someone, you are starting to wake up. 
Jesus is here among us, but He will manifest Himself physically again. This time, He will lead the nations on a white horse, faithful and true to what He promised, that He would not leave us as orphans, but that He would come to us. 

It's amazing, isn't it?
The pain we face doesn't tear us away from Jesus, it brings us closer to Him. The trials we go through don't make us weaker, but stronger; even if we die during a trial, we wake up in His arms.
Now is the time to wake up while we still have breath, to glorify Him and help Him with His kingdom work. What better job could we ask for, then to follow Him? He will make us fishers of men, He will set us walking on the rough waters. He will restore our souls, and lead us to righteousness. There is absolutely no fear in His love, and His perfect love casts out every fear.

We don't have to live in fear! Jesus died to set us free, and in Him we find our ultimate destiny.
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18) 

Free indeed!

Free to be who Jesus made us each to be.

 They worshiped the age-after-age Living One. They threw their crowns at the foot of the Throne, chanting,

Worthy, O Master! Yes, our God!
Take the glory! the honor! the power!
You created it all;
It was created because you wanted it.

(Rev. 4:9--11) 

In the school of brokenness, we can rest in knowing that this is the God we serve. We're surrounded! His Spirit is the air we breathe, His love the water we drink. We are beautifully broken and free indeed.