finding your destiny in the school of brokenness 

Our last key speaker here at DTS was Dave Gustavason, who spoke about spiritual authority. More importantly, he shared with us that our authority comes from the experiences we go through hand in hand with God, the breaking points in our lives that seem so hard at the time. Some people believe if you have enough faith, you won't suffer. Life without suffering is then upheld as some supreme idea of the  Christian walk. 

If you do suffer, it must be because something went wrong...you or someone else is at fault. There is of course some truth to this--ultimately, our suffering results from the sin our ancestors first committed. But when we start equating painlessness with the ultimate Christian life, there comes a huge clash, a war between our ideals and Christ's reality. 
Jesus did not say "Follow Me, the way is painless and perfect and you will be admired and esteemed by many on the journey." 

If that was what He came for, then everyone would follow Him. 
Instead, He came to fulfill His Father's plan, which involved a great deal of suffering for Him. Following Christ, more than a quest of our own perfection, is a manifestation of God's bigness and our smallness. We can only follow those who are revealed in  the flesh as leaders, but we do not follow with the attitude "I'm putting up with You leading because eventually we'll get to reign forever in heaven." The Good News is, we are NOT in control of our destiny. We can choose what attitude we take, however, whether one of humility and wonder, or one of entitlement and superiority. We did not choose Him, but He chose us---yes, even to suffer for His sake. God didn't choose us because He prefers us to others--He loves everyone equally. But He chose those He knew would respond to His love with love. 
If Jesus chooses someone, and they go through torture with Him, does that mean their Christian walk is any less perfect than the pastor in the pulpit who talks about God's mercy and grace every week? On the contrary, we look up to those who suffer for Christ's sake, because we know that person is even closer to their God through the suffering. 

It's gruesome. It's terrifying. 
Consider how much He gave. Consider how much He grieved. Consider this, that Jesus died, not of nails in His hands, or because of a cross made by human hands, but of a broken heart. 
Jesus' heart literally split open and then He breathed His last....this is why, when the soldier pierced His side, blood and water spilled out. That is why in the Garden of Gesthemane, He was literally sweating blood. Stress-induced cardiomyopathy, when the heart is so overwhelmed by emotional stress and fills up with water, was the cause of Jesus' death. Most people stayed on the cross 10 days--it should have taken a long time for a normal healthy man to die. Jesus died within three hours of being on the cross. Think of what that means. 
He broke His own heart over you. Over me. Over everybody that ever lived. 
And in this brokenness, in this final act of love, He found His destiny fulfilled. It wasn't until His heart broke that He was reunited with His Dad. He chose to come save us. God didn't force Him to go,  or manipulate Him. Jesus chose to be broken. 
And this is why, worshiping Him will never end! How can you simply send a thank you card to someone Who broke their heart over you? If authority is based on our experiences with God, then those who are breaking their hearts over homelessness, poverty, disease, and abuse, to the point of doing something about it, carry authority, while those who sit back and say "What a sad thing--oh what a sad thing--I think I'll go in my closet and pray now." If you believe, then you believe, but it is possible to live as a Christian yet never embrace the full authority Christ has given those who "participate in His sufferings." His heart broke for that homeless person...ours ought to ache for them too, even a little bit...even if you hurt just a little for someone, you are starting to wake up. 
Jesus is here among us, but He will manifest Himself physically again. This time, He will lead the nations on a white horse, faithful and true to what He promised, that He would not leave us as orphans, but that He would come to us. 

It's amazing, isn't it?
The pain we face doesn't tear us away from Jesus, it brings us closer to Him. The trials we go through don't make us weaker, but stronger; even if we die during a trial, we wake up in His arms.
Now is the time to wake up while we still have breath, to glorify Him and help Him with His kingdom work. What better job could we ask for, then to follow Him? He will make us fishers of men, He will set us walking on the rough waters. He will restore our souls, and lead us to righteousness. There is absolutely no fear in His love, and His perfect love casts out every fear.

We don't have to live in fear! Jesus died to set us free, and in Him we find our ultimate destiny.
"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (1 John 4:18) 

Free indeed!

Free to be who Jesus made us each to be.

 They worshiped the age-after-age Living One. They threw their crowns at the foot of the Throne, chanting,

Worthy, O Master! Yes, our God!
Take the glory! the honor! the power!
You created it all;
It was created because you wanted it.

(Rev. 4:9--11) 

In the school of brokenness, we can rest in knowing that this is the God we serve. We're surrounded! His Spirit is the air we breathe, His love the water we drink. We are beautifully broken and free indeed. 

Eternal life with Jesus will be heaven. 

"With" meaning intimate, face to face eye contacting relationship. 

Jesus is still here, even if we run from Him. 

We can't really not be with Him, because His presence is everywhere....

But we can get "distant" from Him in our minds. 

So can it be that eternal life, 

starting now for the accepting believer in Christ, 

is giving us tastings of heaven. 

On the other hand

Could it be that eternal life,

starting now for those who refuse to look Him in the eye 

(literally be WITH Him)

begins just the same

and whether it feels like it or not

proves to be a living hell

a life lived for self. 

By faith, you will be well--

Jesus is our faith. 

That's where we mess up as Christians. 

We try to summon faith

from our own power. 

If we only had enough, we would succeed. 

Isn't Jesus already enough? 

Your faith has made you well. 

Your Jesus isn't trying to fix you. 

He already fixed everything. 

Shalom. 

Everything is put right. 

It is finished. 

Eternal, endless, life! 

After a full morning of intercession, worship and teaching, all the students are preparing a Love Feast for all the joyful helpers who have been serving all week (and longer) to bag soup mix here at Gleanings.
This group has been so energetic, especially the older people....as one staff member put it, "God wants us out of our comfort zone", He doesn't specify age. Find out if you're in your comfort zone---then get out of it! 
Yes, it is hard, but rather simple. Simply hard, as one student commented today in class.
Chris Failla has been our speaker all week. He has been discussing with us the character and true nature of God. Relationship vs. Religion has been a huge theme, as we delve into WHY God made us humans in the first place. For me this is literally a treasure hunt--I get excited just thinking about all the gems He has been so faithful to reveal to open eyes!
I get to go help in the kitchen in ten minutes....so I'll leave you with this idea:
Doing sin is like breathing water. It kills us. God, being love, prepared a way for us so that we figuratively breathe water and yet don't die. Because His Son is there saving us. Sinning, rather than being like a law transgressed, is more like a trust betrayed. Since Adam and Eve, we have kept saying to God "No thanks, I don't need the air, I'm going to scuba dive without it." And God refuses to stand by and watch us die. He made clothes for us in the garden, when we were frozen in fear. He gives us garments of praise today. There is no fear in Him. He didn't drive us out of the garden because He suddenly became angry at a law that was broken---He was sad that we hadn't trusted Him. It's not His punishment that we die when we breathe the water. It's a natural consequence. But He, the great Communicator, has to tell us the cold hard facts. Not because He takes delight in putting us in a guilt-ridden state...no, we did that for ourselves.
The message of hope is not that we ought to be further ashamed. The message of hope is that in our shame, God said "I love you anyway". In our shame, all He asked for, all He ever asked for, was belief--and why?
Well, think about it. When you believe somebody, you trust them. Trust is the foundation for relationship.
God, relational?
Open your eyes. He is Abba, Daddy; He is Son....and if you want to be surprised, "Holy Spirit" is a feminine noun in Hebrew. He's family. He's Light. He's love. There is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Try thinking of God, not as a Gandalf figure with a staff standing alone on a mountain--but as a ring of related entities, discussing in a circle the wants, needs, desires, and cries of their beloved. This is no hierarchy of religion.
This is a literal circle of love. Relationship. Open arms.

Today at Gleanings, we had a time of Intercession for about an hour in the morning. 
Intercession starts off with some time to pray individually, in quietness...then we'll sing some songs. Through this time each person really listens to what God might be speaking to their hearts about. After song-time, we all share with each other what's on our hearts; specifically, this intercession was for different countries that are special to each of us, or that we have a burden for lately. 
Many people had pictures in their heads of the same country: Israel. (Also surrounding areas like Syria and Jordan, where many thousand refugees are being treated horribly by rebels.) Intercession is neat because God starts connecting all the dots for you, while everyone is praying. For instance, while I was closing my eyes, I saw, as a sort of picture in my head, a waterfall. This has been happening a lot, probably because  I like waterfalls. But then I thought, "I should pray for water for these people, these refugees." But you know what?

I WAS SCARED. 

Nervous. "In front" of people. To pray, in front of a group, the true over-pour of my heart, seems yet a "new" and adrenaline filled adventure! But as I sat there, thoughts were racing. It was as if I had this conversation with God; I kept remembering verses of Him sending people, and how if one person didn't go, He'd send another. I thought, I better speak up, I better say something about the water....

and then one of the group leaders sitting across from me begins to pray "Lord, we pray for water...." 
It was really convicting. God showed me that if I was going to be ashamed of Him, (which is basically what that was, embarrassment to let Him know how much I loved Him and trusted Him to provide, "in front" of people, oh my!) and if I was going to be a people pleaser instead of  a Jesus-pleaser, then that's fine, but I'll miss out on it. Someone else will get to talk to Him about it. You know what, I didn't feel relieved....I felt saddened. That I was ashamed. He comforted me, He still loves me, but it was just that creeping human tendency to worry more about appearances than relationship. Oh, can I add: that creeping human CHRISTIAN tendency. Because let's face it. Much of the "church" is consumed with how they look to others. With looking legitimate. 

With looking put together. But Jesus doesn't ask for neatly dressed, well spoken, right-on-doctrine individuals. He asks for those who are hurting, in total disarray, to come, seek healing from Him. He's opposed to us proud Christians. We call ourselves after Him, but WHO ARE WE REALLY? 
Who is Jesus to us? 
It's time to be honest with ourselves. 
Jesus has to be ALL, and in all, or else we are pretenders. Hypocrite means "masked performer". 

On the outside, looking good. But the Bible says on the inside, it's like dead mens' bones. White-washed tombs. God hates it when we act like we love Him, but in the nitty gritty of it, we actually just want to look good, live comfortable, and accidentally not hear the call so we never end up "being sent". 
Search your hearts. Examine yourselves. Why do you do the things you do? 

(that's the inside of a heart by the way)

Do you act one way around some people, and another way around others? 
Are you in it for the glory and the comfort, or for Christ, because you honestly love Him so much, You would sacrifice every comfort to die in His Name. Confront these questions. Get up out of your seats. Take a walk and talk to God. Really talk. I don't mean send Him via prayer a list of "please do this" and "Please help that". Pour out your heart. Let Him know you WANT, you LONG, to hear from Him. That life is incomplete without Him. Don't just pray in monotone! Treat Him like a person! He is person, Spirit, and Almighty God. He is every dimension. Be blown away. Allow yourself to do a "trust fall" into His will. Do you really think He'll just watch you fall? That's not His character. 
Do you really think now that you need to control the situation? CAN we lead normal lives when the God of the universe is calling us with the intention of sending us? 

Let's not say no to God. 
Look up Psalm 53:1. If you notice, there are italics added, unless your Bible is like mine and totally added these words without any warning! 
It says, "The fool has said in his heart, 'There is no God'; they are corrupt, and have committed abominable injustice; there is no one who does good."
However, the original translations from Hebrew wouldn't read "there is". So 
"the fool has said in his heart, 'No God.'" 

Or to add punctuation, "NO, GOD."

That fool....well, he's us. Every time we say "Nope" to God's call, that means WE are the ones who are abominable. 

Let's not say no anymore. 

"Yes, Lord, yes, take me anywhere You want. I'll go through the fiery furnace, just to hold Your hand. I love You Jesus, I love You, my Light, my Shepherd, my All." 

Who can say no to this? 

Love you all and hope I didn't offend anyone. =-) 

(I wrote this post a couple days ago.....just posting it now! Haha, has been an eventful last five days....) 


Well, here I am, at Gleanings for the Hungry in Dinuba, CA. 
MANY thanks to EVERYONE who has prayed for and supported me--may you be blessed far beyond your wildest dreams. 
Thanks to everybody at home whose encouragements really spurred me on in readiness for this adventure. 
Thanks to Jesus, who somehow managed to pull it all together so that a girl ended up packed and ready to go  this morning! (In human terms, a miracle has occurred.) 
God truly is awesome and He has me here for a purpose. 
I remember somebody telling me that everything has a purpose--of course it was no new revelation, but I think it's good to be reminded of it.....
because when something feels useless, or purposeless, it's easy to slip into thinking, maybe it doesn't really matter. 
But our littlest actions especially matter. 
Take a moment to think...that matters. 
Take a moment to hug the person you love....that matters. 
Don't assume that those little things are unimportant, or that no one will notice if you don't do them. 
God cares about the little things. 
His eye is on the sparrow, 

and I know He watches me....
I sing because I'm happy.
I sing because I'm free. 

(but Christy, please take Latte for walks!) 

(I miss you all!) 

"But I'm uncertain." 

She stands on the edge.

"I know you are." 

He holds out his hands.

"I don't trust easily." 

She takes a step back.

"I know that too." 

He stands still.

"I can't decide."

She loses her vision, staring at nothing, instead of at him.

Silence.

She says, "I don't know where to go."

He says, "I am the way." 

She says, "I am not the answer."

He says, "I AM." 

Sooo....
     expressing some humor here to ward off anxiety. 
That is probably not the BEST way of  reacting to anxiety, but you cannot deny, laughter is good medicine=-D

here goes: 
      what I think I'm doing.......

what I'm really doing......

well, 
I thought it was funny.